You need to understand what is love before you can know how to love your wife and not be bitter against her. Love is the ability to perceive what will not hurt another person and avoid it.
When you perceive what will hurt and still go ahead and embark on it, it means you hate, you do not believe in your spouse. You are making expression that means your spouse is not a part of your system, you are not accepting him or her into your world.
When you make such expression to someone, you are giving the person the mandate to treat you the same. If the person does not retaliate because of the word, then he or she has activated the law of vengeance which says; vengeance belongs to God, and that makes it more dangerous for you because you are being handed over to God.
Love is the ability to see your woman as yourself
True love does not discriminate, it takes everybody as being the same, it depicts what Jesus did on the cross. The blood is for everybody, not only the Israelite – for whosoever. God loves everybody the same, he puts us on the platform, the same grace is extended to everybody.
You lie if you say you love God whom you do not see, but you cannot love your wife whom you see. Jesus said; by this shall all men know that ye are my disciples if ye love one another.
What does it mean to love one another?
- It means to take another person as yourself, whatever you won’t do to yourself, do not do to another person.
- It means to sacrifice for another. The almighty sacrifice his only son for us. They took Jesus just as they used to take lamb to the altar for sacrifice. The same people that slaughtered him were the same people he was dying to save their lives. Their sins were also among those to be forgiven.
Note that he willingly laid down himself to be slaughtered, they did not force him. He had power to have stopped them, but he needed to save not just them, but the entire world.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
COLOSIANS 3:19 amp
19 Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage].
This is the first commandment in marriage. It is a commandment, a must do thing without any objectivity whatsoever, no man has any reason whatsoever not to love the wife, you must just love your wife as a husband. Please study the characteristics of love to understand what love is and what is required of you.
Reasons God told the husband to love
If you love your wife, there is nothing you cannot do for her. She will be more valuable than anything material. You will not get angry because she cannot cook like others, or because she bash your car, lose money or may be she cannot dress like others.
If you love your wife, there is no level of mistake she does that will make you spank her, be bitter or call her names. Some people get angry with their wives because they make mistake; break plate, soup is burnt, kid is late to school or maybe she bashed his car.
You cannot be bitter, quarrel, call your wife names because she dent your car, is car more important or more valuable to you than your wife. Any man that call the wife names because she dent his car does not love the wife. It simply means the man love the car more than the wife.
If you love anything material thing more than your wife, it means that thing has become your god. It means that thing is even of more value to you than God, ant this is idolatry.
Love as affection and adoration
Remember, the two important synonym for love is affection and adoration. Other words for affection is regard and care. You must treat your wife with regard, you must have regard for her. You must never try to marry somebody you do not love.
If you do not love someone, you will never have regard for him or her, and this is one of the reason why many marriages are turned into a boxing ring. It is very hard to punch whom you regard. Whom you regard is whom you adore, respect. I do not want to use the word worship, but that is what it is.
Women are gods but they do not replace the almighty. The bible has confirmed we are gods.
Treat with care
Another important word that can replace affection is to treat with care. You talk to your wife with care, treat her with care, react with care, and never be rough. You should not allow your wife to be overworked, hire laborers instead.
Do not allow your wife to work and look older than her age. She should not take over the burden of the house, providing for the house, paying school fees, she was meant to only help you in her little way, not to take over the whole responsibility.
If you treat your wife with regard and care, you can never be bitter against her.
Most of the sorrowful treatment men measure to their wife is as a result of selfishness. Do you call yourself names, spank yourself when you bash the car, lost money, make equal mistakes?
If no, so why are you doing them to your wife because your wife is also you, she bears your name. If you want to be fair, you should treat your wife the same way you would have treated yourself if you were the one making the mistake.
Some husbands are even more careful with strangers than the wife, many people love outsiders than their family. Imagine the way some men treats their girlfriend and the manner they treat the wife.
If you love your wife, you will never look for another girlfriend, you hate your wife, that’s why you have another girlfriend.
You mean your wife is not qualified to be your girlfriend? So you pick another girl? Such men do not have regard for their wife.
Why Not bitterness
This means God is stating clearly that the wife will sometimes make the husband bitter. Before God tells you not to be bitter, it means there will definitely be something she does that tries to make you bitter.
God did not tell the wife not to be bitter. It means husbands are not going to be making that mistake, at least not so often or their ability to do that is very insignificant, so bitterness was attributed to the wife. Therefore whenever your wife tries to make you bitter, it is normal, simply just refuse to be bitter.
It is rather not normal for husbands to try to make the wife bitter, it is not in men. I did not say there is no man who can do this, but this is not a natural tendency for men.
This explain the fact that women are frailty, in the sense that they are easily overtaken, they lack control, they are impatient, they do not think ahead before they act. They will finish insulting you before they remember they were talking to Mr. President.
That’s why they will immediately start crying after the act, meaning they were not themselves or they did not think ahead. Most times, you hardly know when a man is angry because he will control himself and still be talking to you calmly.
Men react when they have finally made up their mind to do so and sometimes they may never because to them, whatever you are doing is insignificant. This lack of control is what is attributed to women as weakness, not lack of strength.
What God mean here is that the ability to make people bitter is peculiar to the woman, it means almost every woman will do that to you, once in a while or often.
This can be compared to when the bible says; foolishness is in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will bring them out.
This means it is normal for a child to behave foolish, so stop calling those names because it is not peculiar to your child alone. If a child is not foolish, it is not normal.
Hence God is saying every woman will sometimes try to make the husband bitter and the only way you can prove that you love her is to refuse to be bitter.
This also means women has tendency of making people bitter, but men do not. It is important to note that this is women’s weakness, their vulnerability, they do not do it intentionally, but they cannot help.
I personally noticed that most women always regret the incidence immediately after the whole scene. It is something they do not sit back to think before they act. If you understand it this way, then it will be of great help whenever you meet them in this disposition.
Reasons for love
This is the main reason God commands that men should use the weapon called love whenever they want to enter into relationship with women because love does not know bitterness. In other words if you do not use love when relating with a woman, you will be beating her every day.
This is why the bible says love covers multitude of sins. Love will never allow the husband to see the wife’s fault, the fault does not exist. If you do not walk in love, you are working in carnality. Love is spiritual, and only spiritual people walk in love.
The bitterness of a thing is hard to be found during courtship, when the two are still strange to each other. The love is still very hot then.
True love comes through knowledge, if not it, it can be turned into hatred at some point. NEVER YOU CONCLUDE THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE, until you have an indepth knowledge of the person. People easily get carried away by little impression.
DIFFERENT BETWEEN LOVE AND LIKE
There is different between love and like. You can like someone because of an impression; nice haircut, beautiful face, large breast, dull eyes, speaks good English, lovely smile, dressing, boldness and much more. None of these can make any good reason to love.
Love is not awaken in a day, never. It’s over time because it must be built up through knowledge, and that knowledge cannot be gotten in a day. It takes time to finally conclude that you love someone; not too long anyway but at least a year if you are closely studying the person by going out with him or her.
We can have many friends and not love all of them. That does not mean we are not friendly with them. Love is in the heart, is never any facial expression nor an act or gift.
THEREFORE LOVE IS THE cure for bitterness. You must get this two points. Number one is that your wife will surely do something to make you bitter against her, it is not her fault, women has has such tendencies generally.
Number two is that love is the only cure for that bitterness tendencies. What this means is that if you did not sincerely love a woman through knowledge before you marry her, that relationship will be thrown into a serious turbulence when she tries to do certain things that may make you bitter.
These are things I called relationship test. If they come when there is no foundation, which is love, the bond can easily fall apart, no matter the shaking, true love is what always keep spouse together.
You cannot love your wife if you do not love God;
This is why I tell women to go for men that love God. If a man does not love God, it is hard for him to love you. Only men that love God understands what is true love. Love is a spiritual thing, it is generated only in God, by God.
It is the love of God that is shed abroad in our heart that extends to our neighbor or fellow man.
Love is spiritual – How to Love Your Wife
Love is a spiritual thing, you have to be spiritual to love. God is love and God is a spirit. There are two things that makes someone to be spiritual;
- Being born of God
- practicing the principles of God which is baptism of the holy spirit, praying always, meditating on the word always and doing the word. The more you seek to know God through his word, the more you love him.
What does it mean to love God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your strength?
- To spend time on God’s word
- To praise and to worship God always
- To pray
If you love God, you would want to be with him always, you will want to obey him always. God is his word. When you spend time with the word of God, you are spending time with God.
The quality time you spend in God’s word daily shows how much you love God
If you love God, you will be praying for his kingdom always, this is intercession for the church growth, you will be praying for souls to be saved, you will be seeking first the kingdom of God. Not looking for your own. The kingdom of God first.
The quality time you spend with God each day is an expression of how much you love him. If you spend 8 hours in your work place and you spend just one hour for God, it means YOUR WORK IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN God.
No need to deceive ourselves, who you stay with most defines the order of importance. There are people who notice their work is taking their time with God and they resign in order to have enough time with God, so, you judge.
You cannot see God physically to spend time with him, you spend time with God by spending time with his word and in prayer for the kingdom.
To spend time with God is far better than giving him money, God does not need money, you need, so do not think when you give you are doing God favor. But you can give to his word as an expression of your love for him.
God is able to build his church, to finance his work, he is not dependent on anybody, he can even bring unbelievers to give so his work can go on. Jesus made fish to vomit money from his mouth to pay for his tax, but there were those who had gone to look for money from morning till night, still were not able to pay tax.
Women value the time spent with them than money, God too. Time is precious, more valuable than gold, successful understand this. Time wasted can never be recovered but money wasted can neatly be recovered.
In case you are not born of God yet, you cannot reject Jesus. You were created by Jesus for Jesus. God created you for himself. To reject Jesus is to rebel against God. Jesus is your life, to reject Jesus is to reject your life. Give your life to Jesus today; repent, accept Jesus into your heart as your lord and savior and be born of God now, it may be late after now!!!!! Do not postpone. Please follow this steps to obey God now.
You May Also Love To Read;
What is Love in The Bible
Understanding The Love of God
7 Benefits of Walking in The Love of God
How to Develop The Love of God
How to Know When You’re in Love
How to Walk in Love as A Believer
How Faith Works by Love
How to Love Your Wife and not be bitter Against her
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